Funeral functions- a necessary evil?

Tehravi function in progress

Is it just me or does anyone else also find funeral functions a little too much? 

I recently lost my grandfather and those thirteen days, the rituals were performed as per the Hindu customs. I personally believed that these rites of purity are nothing but an additional trouble to the already troubled family. 

There is a ceremony called ‘tehravi’ or ‘shantibhoj’ where the relatives and people from whole village/town are fed. This ceremony seems completely out of place seeing the situation of the family. How can you expect a bereaved family to make arrangements of feeding hundreds (sometimes even thousands) of people

Apart from that sometimes these functions become a huge financial burden on the family of deceased, specially in backward villages of UP and Bihar where ceremonies like these define your love for the person who passed away. Often villagers take loans from the local moneylender further lowering their financial condition.

Moreover, it’s even a wastage of resources because these ceremonies don’t have a restricted entry and seeing this family makes more food than required. This food is then thrown away because once when this ceremony is over you can’t feed this food to anyone else. 

Many believe that these functions give time to the family to move on, however I feel that they are nothing but a diversion because the real pain starts after these functions are over. The realisation starts after these ceremonies. This is the time when this you finally realise what just happened. This feeling finally sinks in as until now you were busy performing various rituals and then suddenly after thirteen days- BAM! You are all alone with nothing but memories of the dead person. 

Sometimes these rituals are so binding, for example, in some villages of Bihar, ‘barsi(remembrance)’ is celebrated for five consecutive years and in those five years you can’t have any marriage, house warming or any happy function to respect the deceased. The people who already lack resources are forced to follow these rituals to save their grace.

Also I would like to tell that these thirteen days you are not allowed to leave your place which is quite difficult to follow seeing the fast moving world. Everyone has offices and jobs. World does not stop. But these function want you to stop. 

These functions seemed very impractical to me. They do nothing except for increasing the pain of the family. Death is a very personal matter. Situations like this shouldn’t be guided by the society. Give family the freedom to be their own masters in such cases. Give them time to be stable. Anybody’s death is always a huge blow to the family, let them come out of it as per their convenience. 

Smaller the fish, easier the prey?

While going through news, I come across a news where a clerk is held for taking a bribe for ₹2000. I am happy. This made me happy but somewhere deep down this also made me ponder – “smaller the fish, easier the prey?” 

I have seen very closely and observed so many people thriving a luxurious life on black money. They have built a huge empire out of it. Why are they not being caught? Just because they are “big people”. Does the power works only on weak and feeble? It crumples when it is to be used on mighty people? 

Someone is wrong, he is caught, appreciated, well done! Proud of you! But I think we will be more proud if the culprits are punished in equal proportions. Why are the lower positions so vulnerable? 

You know what, this type of unequal punishments are rendering an unfair environment. You are provoking them to get into the system and become the worst case. 

Nobody enters the system to plunder the country, but this bureaucracy itself is creating environment for them to switch their dreams. It’s such a major flaw in our system where the big fishes can easily escape the nets but the small fish, they are caught. 

How difficult is it to build a net where both are caught equally, punished equally? The mighty and powerful lobby against the weak and this is where they vent out their so called ‘honesty’. How whimsical is their definition of a fair governance? 

And please before jumping the conclusions and judging me, let me say what I felt in short and simple words is: 

I am very happy that a clerk is caught taking a bribe of ₹2000 but when will the people be caught who take bribes of more than ₹200000? I hope it’s soon because this is completely rumbling the purity of bureaucracy. 

The news which I am talking about is: 

https://www.google.co.in/amp/m.timesofindia.com/city/rajkot/GMB-clerk-held-for-taking-2000-bribe-in-Okha/amp_articleshow/54621500.cms

Lipstick Under My Burkha

LIPSTICK UNDER MY BURKHA!

 

I don’t know what was the hue and cry about. Why was Mr. Nihalani afraid to release it? Was it because all the females were initiating sex? Did that scare him? Did it not match his belief that only males are allowed to talk of sex? Anyway that is Mr. Nihalani’s problem, he is anyway a difficult person to understand. But before you read, let me give a statutory warning: SPOILERS!!! 
So I finally manage to watch this movie which I was eagerly waiting for. I had really high hopes but the movie didn’t meet my expectation. All the actors acted really well but the story lacked something. I think it could have been made better. For me the most problematic was the climax where all the ladies were smoking cigarette and laughing. I agree it’s an open ended movie and the viewers have their own discretionary choices but I felt that if it had shown the “WHAT AFTER” thing, it would have been better. You just can’t smoke away your problems and emerge as victorious. To face and how to handle it, would have made a little more relatable.

The ending scene of the movie.

One more troubling thing  is why women smoking is equated to liberation? That made me a little sad. I feel this is giving birth to a new kind of generation where a ‘modern women’ is actually ‘modern’ if she smokes or drink. Why is smoking or drinking the symbol of women freedom?  It’s promoting an unhealthy lifestyle which is good for neither of the sexes.

Coming to the characters, I would like to appreciate Konkana Sen Sharma as she was really believable as a housewife who is just a sex toy for her husband and her dreams are based on her husband’s timings. Ahana Kumra has surprised us in her role of a girl with big dreams. Although she has done few movies earlier but i guess this is the most noticeable performance of her till date. Ratna Pathak Shah is as usual. She brings class to whatever she does.

Massey in Lipstick under my burkha (Left) and in death in the gunj (Right)

I would also like to mention that these women have overshadowed the male actors in the movie. Vikrant Massey, I don’t know why is he still wrapped in curtains. He is such a talented actor. I watched this movie immediately after A Death in the Gunj where he plays a shy college goer in his early 20s and here in this movie, he is playing an extremely opposite role. A horny street romeo with a rugged look and in both the roles, he comes out really well. Equally convincing. Sushant Singh has also performed well in his  no nonsense, male chauvinist character that by the end of the movie you will develop certain hatred towards him.

For me, I thought it could have been a little better in the climax, otherwise the movie was fine. The ending is the point where it fails to meet my expectation.

Have a good day 🙂

Safar khoobsurat hai manzil se bhi – an ode to charm of train journeys ! 💕

Train as seen from pulbangash metro station, New Delhi. 

There is a certain nostalgia attached to train journeys. This blog is all about my childhood and trains but i am quite sure every 90s kid can relate to it.

I still remember as a kid when we had to go to a destination faraway, the preparation for the journey was more than the preparation for the destination. Packing started atleast two days back, neighbours came and made munchies so that we kids don’t go hungry on train. Cool cases were cleaned as they were the only source of clean water. Utensils were packed to eat ‘puri-aloo’. Oh god! These little things. Never understood the value at that time but at this moment, I realize how valuable those moments were.

Jumping from berth to berth along with other kids in the bogie, and ours mothers running behind us to feed us and secretly taking care that we don’t fall off as we do our stunts. Those little joys. The millenial kids are missing a lot. Ludos, champak, nandan all were packed so that we restrict our monkey instincts. The cards were packed for the adults. I was a little different. I kept an atlas with me and marked all the stations I crossed( trust me, it made my political geography really strong. Would really thank my parents for encouraging this idea).

Another special feature of these trains were they got late during the journey. They stopped anywhere anytime. A twenty four hour journey never took the time

These long journeys have also given birth to long time friendships. The people in bogie were not individuals but a big family keeping aside the distinctions caste, class, religion embarked on the same journey towards the same destination.

They would not realize the beauty of the blue snails running through lush green fields and people from the village running to have a view of it after all train journey was a luxury which not many could afford. They waving us and we waving them back. The yellow board which were in perfect contrast with the background, no matter what the vegetation of the place is.

Nagercoil junction, Tamil Nadu- the cleanest station i have been to. 

One of the nearest destinations from Delhi. Visit here for Sariska wildlife sanctuary and bala kila.

 

Not many people know that delhi has a local train and it has these small pretty stations which are a beauty in itself.

 

Dholpur is a hidden treasure in rajasthan. Go here for chambal gharial sanctuary. I will blog about it soon.

 

Bharatpur, rajasthan famous majorly for Keoladeo national park. Have a look at this link to know more about it –Bharatpur : A bird’s place .

Delhi – My second home. 🏡

 

Home 🏡

I will still prefer train over a plane anyday but time, this fast moving life has snatched the pleasure of travelling in  a train 😦 !

DU is changing? Nah,not really !

The on going tussle between ABVP and AISA on the invitation of Umar Khalid to deliver a lecture on bastar tribes has been really violent. Students are being hurt, they are being beaten up, dragged by hair, attacked by stones.
On this issue, many of my friends have been saying that our “DU was never like this” “This is not DU ” “JNU is spreading”  , but i plan to go against them and say our DU was always like this. It always had overexcited seeds forever ready to blossom and here are the consequences.
These seeds are sowed as early as May-June, as soon as the forms are out. Many expected candidates take admissions just to participate in election and some are so crazy that they fail to be a part of these elections. Shocking isn’t it? But yeah , this is the reality!
Talking about the student elections that happen in DU every year, are nothing but outrageous show of money.They are extremely misogynist, pro rich, scandalous and provoking a region based politics. Is this what one calls student politics? Agenda less, or even if they have an agenda, it has rotten years back.
The panels from the student wings of all big parties have no ideology but just one aim “TO COME IN POWER AND EXPLOIT IT”. The candidates are no other but the sons (‘at times’ daughter), nephews of already existing rich politicians whose main motive is to win the election and keep that achievement in their pocket and show it whenever needed (or not needed), or to become a recognized face so that when they stand in elections in their towns, they are already “experienced” in politics, which undoubtedly they become.
The Clause 6.6.1 of Lyngdoh committee states that “The maximum permitted expenditure per candidate shall be Rs 5000/-”is very strictly followed, only they replaced the word “candidate” with the “voter. They distribute notebooks, pens, t shirts, and even umbrella at times. Mentioning free food coupons, alcohol, trips to amusement parks wouldn’t be stating the obvious? Posters and pamphlets, are they counted in the expenditure too? Nah, not for them. They have different tactics to impress different groups, the north easterns, the biharis, the new and vulnerable, Muslim voters, differently abled. Every group is taken care of!
They ask ‘pretty’ girls to campaign for them, as they would attract the “new boys”. They stoop so low that they ask the students to vote for them on the pretext of friendship with the “pretty face”. Each group is in a competition who has the prettier face. The girl candidates are judged by how beautiful they are because already nobody is ready to be ordered by a female, and if they are ugly, “whooshhh, lady you have just lost your chance.” Nobody cares what your agenda is, how intelligent you are, only your appearance matters.
Now coming to the campaigners, they are paid on day to day basis. They are mostly not the members of DU and when they come here to campaign, they are already aware of “Dilli ki ladkiyan” (Thank you bollywood and punjabi rappers), so for them, they are in a fairyland, where passing lewd comments, touching them inappropriately is all acceptable, you know “dilli ki ladkiyan badi modern hai, yeh sab normal hai unke liye“. DU girls even if they deny are very well aware of this reality.

And in this pomp and show, the actual candidate is shadowed but why should we care, it’s just a university level election, they happen every year, what’s the big deal? Isn’t in with resonance with the new rule “SURVIVAL OF THE MIGHTIEST?” Then why are we blaming DU now, it hasn’t changed, this kind of actions were long overdue. We should blame ourselves, where were we when there were DUSU elections? Chilling at home probably, or partying somewhere! Why did we not question them, why were we indifferent to the money flowing at a higher speed than tap water these days, why were we mute spectators, why were we dormant volcanoes at the time when explosion was actually needed?

Money Money everywhere, not a money to spend !

Since the launch of new monetary policy in India, there is a continuous debate going on in my mind : is this for good or not?
When i first heard of this news, i was ecstatic “oh wow, all those people with trunks full of cash are gone. They are so GONE!” but little did i realize people with little cash have gone too. And as days are passing, i am realizing situation is really bad. Let me share few of my experiences :

1. The autowalas from my house to metro station used to charge 40 rupees but these days they are charging 100 because they are not ready to give away the little change they have. You might suggest me book a cab, pay through e-money, well okay! Thanks i can do that. But what about those, who have no idea how to use a smart phone or even those who know how to use it but have no cab facilities in their town ? The people who don’t know how to use smartphone majorly belong to poor families and then paying 100 rupees for a 40, is it really helping them ?
2. Sadly, i had to book a cab because i wasn’t ready to part with the 100 rupee note i had. The driver was extremely happy with this decision and why wouldn’t he be, the demand for the cab services has increased as they are accepting e-money. When i asked if i can pay him through paytm, he excitedly showed me his code to scan. But what about those auto drivers and rickshaw pullers who are not aware of these transactions? Yes sir, you have a good Utopian imagination, i appreciate it and i would really want that happening sometime but have you made people at ground level equipped enough to deal with situations like this ? On one hand you talk about supporting poor indians by “buying their diyas” and boycotting Chinese goods, on the other hand you are indirectly promoting companies like ola, uber and Paytm offcourse.
3. Trust me i have looked for cash in every ATM from rithala to rajiv chowk and what i get is “sorry we are out of cash” but so are we! 
4. I regularly take peanuts from a roadside vendor but last night when I went to him, and offered him 100 for peanuts worth 20, he refused. He had no change. He gave it to me on credit but he was sad that he hasn’t earned since evening, as most of them don’t have change, consequently he has not enough money to buy veggies for his family.
5. At mess, i am having food on credit but he is worried that how will he bring more ration without any cash from “mandi” (Mandis generally don’t accept cards, they NEED CASH ! CASH!!)
6. Dont you think it has resulted in promotion of elitism? I can go out and have food in a fancy restaurant but what about daily wagers ? They dont even let them in (Referring to mocambo restaurant case of kolkata). But how does that matter, they should have learnt how to sleep empty stomach by now. Right ? 😐
7. My one last question , you came up a with a very good scheme but why did you implement it when you weren’t ready ? We have been suffering from this problem of black money for so long, a month more wouldn’t have made any difference ! 500 notes are not in circulation, and 2000 notes can not be circulated as there is no one who has change for it !
   A good decision, very bad implementation.

 

All of us are terrorists !

What is terrorism ? What i understand by terrorism is  spread of terror to achieve certain goals by on soft targets.
I was just wondering aren’t we all terrorists ? Don’t we terrorise people ! Off course the scale of our terrorising won’t match the actual terrorists but we do make use of this “terror” to achieve certain goals. Don’t we ?
A boss terrorises his employees by a salary cut in order to achieve certain scale of profit set by company. Siblings often create atmosphere of fear by threatening to complain  to parents. Parents terrorise their children in various ways – beating them , a drop in pocket money , house arrest , no more new material clothes.
This relation of terror is not just confined to just known persons around us but also strangers. Haven’t you heard this phrase “Jaanta nahi hai mera baap kon hai!?” At least Indians are well aware of this statement.
I know most of the examples above are  too simplistic. There is no use of arms , there is no bloodshed but still the motive is almost same “To terrorise to get our aims fulfilled”. Just wondering can’t these simple aims be achieved by love ? I know it’s way too utopian but trying has nothing pejorative. #justwondering
All of us are terrorists only the weapons differ ! ☺

Keep your eyes down , sir!

Image courtesy  : GOOGLE

I am observing something these days. It’s related to ogling. Please do tell me that if you have noticed the same ? Okay , here are my some observations :
1. Middle aged men stare the most. They give an argument that they stare because of generation gap. No one in their time used to wear such clothes. Really uncle ?  They are men who are elder to you and still very respectful. Is there no generation gap for them ?
Duh ! Silly uncles. 😱
2. Rich brats check you out more from head to toe then poor labourers of same age. Is that what they are taught at school or money has affected them to this extent that their habits are worse then an unlucky soul who never got a chance to visit a school ? 😦
3. Cosmopolitan city like in Delhi , ogling is more common than in smaller cities. (Kanpur , Lucknow , Allahabad ). Is it so ? Did you ever have such an experience ?
4. Boys specially who are on verge to attain puberty or just did attain it gawk at you like a hungry dog more often. “Beta , didi hain hum aapke ! 50 saal pehle toh hum aapki maa bhi ban chuke hote ” ( Son , we are like your elder sisters! And if were living , 50 years in past , I am confirm that I would be your mother 😛 ( child marriage and early motherhood ) ).
5. Foreigners are subject more of this harsh glare than us. No matter what they wear , they are covered or not they will see looks fixed upon them.
6. ANY MALE SPECIE WILL STARE. 🙍

Have a good day 💕

Bharatpur : A bird’s place

Since my college is over and I have not much to do, we planned a vacation to Bharatpur , Rajasthan. It’s a two hour train journey from Delhi. It’s famous for it’s bird sanctuary: The Keoladeo National Park. Tourists from all over the world come and stay here.

Bharatpur Railway Station

     The railway station

1. Watch sunrise and sunset

Experience the beauty of sunset and sunrise here. Birds humming along with soothing sun rays is a moment worth living.
It has a calming effect , filling you with positivity and joy.

2. Cycling
This park ensures that you stay fit. It rents you bicycle at a very nominal cost. Hop on to your bicycle and make your own paths. ! 😎

3. Explore different trails
  

               Kharanja as they say. It’s not a pucca road , neither a kachcha one.

Bharatpur bird sanctuary or Keoladeo National Park is spread on an area of about 3000 hectares. It is a home to many ecosystems. It has wetland , grassland , dense trees , lakes . There are many species of bird which you might not find in a day. Explore the different trails to meet new birds and new animals.

The concrete road surrounded by big trees like mango, ashok , banyan which forms an arch above you.

The kachcha road and the trees which got uprooted due to heavy rains and high speed winds.

The arid ecosystem

4. Eat rajasthani cuisine
  Relish the delicious rajasthani meal. I must warn you it’s quite spicy and very salty. There food has excess salt because of high temperatures , they sweat a lot and so as to not face a salt deficiency , they put more and more and salt. One suggestion do eat the Chulhe par bani moti roti. The roti ( chapati ) is a mix of wheat flour , chana , jwar and bajra with three to four teaspoon ghee is their specialty.
Please forget your diet for all the time you stay here.

       Men making a roti on chulha
5. Bharatpur bund

    Bharatpore bund

  Bharatpur bund is a dam built by Maharaja Ram Singh in 1856-57. It is about 50 kms away from bharatpur in a village named “bund baretha”. It is a very beautiful dam which uses the concept of rainwater harvesting to supply water to all the districts of “Bharatpore Province” through efficiently build canals. Though it is dysfunct now but it’s aesthetic value is intact.

The reservoir

It is also cooler than rest of the city. It also has beautiful gardens around it maintained by the Forest Department.

Reservoir again

6. View from watch tower

Steps to climb the watch tower

When in Keoladeo National Park ,  do climb the watch tower and have a “Bird’s eye” view of the whole park. It might be hectic because of all the cycling , but worry not you have canteen nearby , you can bring snacks above there and have a good view while eating. MAKE SURE YOU DON’T LITTER.

View from watchtower

In the end , I will suggest you make a list of birds and animal you saw. I saw salamander , blue bull , spotted deer , sambar , kingfisher , drongo , stork , rabbit , owl , peacock , peahen , white dove , snake , butterflies and now I am forgetting , so you make a list to make sure that you don’t forget.
😛

Have a good day 💕

माँ 💖

You know what’s it’s like to celebrate mother’s day without your mother? EXTREMELY TERRIBLE ! 😈
This is the first mother’s day which I am celebrating away from my mother. Before that I was always with my mother on this special occasion.
I used to make her cards because that’s the only thing I can do at an average level ! My culinary skills suck so I can’t ask her a day off from kitchen.
While missing her , I was also thinking about few unlucky souls who don’t have mother.
If my mother dies , I think I will die with her. She is me, she is my life. No one supports me as she does, nobody loves me like she does. My grandmother cried on my birth but my mother was the happiest. She always wanted a girl child who she can give everything she lacked in her childhood. I was her doll and I will always be forever. Though there is a slight role reversal, now she dresses according to my choice unlike earlier where I wore no clothes without her permission.  She is my support system. She is more than a friend to me. I rarely hide things from her.
We don’t get chance to talk daily but whenever we talk , we talk like two old friends gossiping about each and every thing. Whatever I want to be , I will be for her because she gave me the childhood she always wanted to have and I will give her the old age I will want to have. Whenever I will become a mother , I will want to be like her so that my child loves her the way her child loves her.
Here in delhi I live with my Mama-Mami ( Maternal uncle and aunt ). My Mami is my second mother. She treats me like her own child. I am so lucky to have her. People are so jealous when they get to know that I have such good relatives in such a selfish world. They are always in shock when they see how affectionately she takes care of me.
My Mami’s care and treatment made me realize motherhood is a relation not just with a person who gives who birth but also with that person who takes care of you like their own child.
So I can say I am quite lucky to be blessed with two mothers : माँ और मामी । 💕

Have a good day 💕